Where to begin?

I have absolutely no idea what I'm going to do. It is perhaps a problem that I want to accomplish too many things--this drive, while ambitious, leaves me confused and with no starting point. When I determine a path, I end up questioning it. I don't know how to not question it.

The fact of the matter is, every day that I don't do something with music (specifically MY music, because most of the time I deny to myself that I am even a musician) I die a little more inside. I know, I know, dramatic--but perhaps not altogether untrue. When I sing, it is the only time that my mind isn't filled with nonsense, and I feel most at peace.

Now, my rabbi has said that I should become a cantor--he understands what singing does for me--but holy or liturgical music is not my experience. Sure, the haunting melodies moved me as a girl in Hebrew school. In fact, the song sessions after Tuesday afternoon hours provided the only lasting connection between me and Judaism. But, in writing, my life molds the melody, my actions write the words, therefore making what comes out of my mouth holy. It is the closest I ever get to the truth.

I don't even know where to start. Sure, I've probably expressed this somewhat before. I've been to music business classes, read how-to websites, I've even listened to Dave Barnes talk about how he started his musical journey. Yet, I don't want to pretend that I know what I'm doing. This world is so much about projecting an image, and I know very much that I don't know what I'm doing, nor do I know what to project since I can admit I don't know much. Of course, I prefer this state to pretending to know, but since I don't have a "face" conjured up for the "real world" I don't think people will respect or encourage my efforts. Although the normal advice might be, "You won't know until you try," I think my question is a little more complicated.

Not even sure if there's really an answer. Like my wise rabbi told me, "You are a seeker. And the problem with seekers, is that seekers never find."